We’d been visiting a church recently that recognizes their high school and college graduates each year. We’d met very few people, and we didn’t know the four high school grads who ascended the stage during this year’s event, but it was nice to be a part of their moment. Graduation is special, a time to officially shed youth and embrace adulthood, equipped with a new diploma and hope for the future.
The world, and their future in it, lay before the three boys and a girl.
After they formed a line next to the pastor, the video screens behind them played a brief photo montage of their pictures, names and what their post-graduation plans were. “Entering Workforce” appeared beneath all four pictures. We’d soon hear their specifics. What direction had they chosen?
When the montage finished, the pastor gave the nearest graduate a microphone and said, “Tell us your name and what your future plans are.”
The first graduate took the mic and said, “I’m Joe.” He joked, “I guess I’m going to dig fence posts for the rest of my life!” The congregation laughed. He handed the mic to John.
“I’m John. I have no idea,” he said. He handed the mic to Ann.
“I’m Ann, and I’m with him!” pointing her thumb towards John, signifying she had no idea, either.
Finally, the last boy shook his head and said, “I’m Bob and I have no idea.”
Everyone quietly clapped as the grads descended the stage.
DISCLAIMER 1: Nothing is known about these grad’s personal lives and what may have contributed to empty plans. It’s unlikely that all four had sufficient challenges to warrant the same result as the other three. Therefore, for the purposes of this article, the group will be viewed as an impersonal, representative snapshot of those who, for whatever reason, were ill-equipped towards their life responsibilities.
DISCLAIMER 2: Despite his joke about fence digging, Joe had no idea, either. He humorously deflected his answer by tapping the longstanding “ditch digger” metaphor. He was identical to the others, but he went for a laugh and got it.
Four young adults with fresh diplomas publicly proclaimed to their church that they had no plans for their future, didn’t know what direction they would take, or what prospects that they might have. The optics of it were bad.
Disclaimers aside and taking the grads at face value, it was a dismaying moment. To draw a base line, what they disclosed was not OK. To be clear, this is not an indictment of the graduates, but it can be a call to action, a greater involvement of parents and anyone in youth periphery who can affect change, even a little here and there, to stem the degradation of wholeness every person needs to start their life successfully.
The grads were listless, having neither propulsion nor a rudder.
“Listless” speaks to a lack of purpose and interest.
“Propulsion” speaks to drive and action.
“Rudder” speaks to a determined course.
In contrast, why not say with a big smile, “I’m Pete. I don’t have a job yet, but I’m working hard to find one. I’ll take anything to get started, but I really like mechanical stuff, so if anyone knows of a job, would you find me after church?”
Our values have not changed so much that lethargy like theirs can be considered acceptable. We are witnessing their unprepared lives unfolding before us. Does it prompt something in us? Should it? What involvement did their parent(s) have in the moment? Were church mentors, friends, and school counselors pointing, encouraging, directing them toward the right path in the months prior to graduation? In contrast, how is it possible at this crossroad that, in other homes, graduates are entering the U.S. military academies, college, trade schools, starting their own hot dog stands, visiting employment agencies, banging on business doors, asking friends for job leads… reaching for their next step with purpose?
Established, traditional values and standards are fading as new generations emerge. Those old-time standards are practical, meat and potato things, that equip someone for a successful life if they subscribe to them. Those who do not can believe whatever they want, do what they want, but at the end of the month they must remain employed, pay rent, pay bills, buy food, and, eventually, support their spouse and children. Ignoring time-tested tenets of traditional responsibility will not, as it’s said, “Pay the bills”, nor will it increase their self-confidence and self-respect.
Youth are surrounded by external relationships throughout their development. They can be affected and mentored by coaches, teachers, church leaders, and, if they begin working part-time, employers and bosses. But the primary responsibility for their development begins with their parents.
PARENTS (One, the Other, or Both)
Parenting is a proactive institution, always moving, always investing. Perfect parents don’t exist; the journey is fraught with mistakes, spontaneous micro-decisions, hand-wringing, loss of cool, loss of temper, exhaustion – on a good day. You do the best you can with love. Proverbs 22:6 states, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Train them to be useful and aware, for what they’ll face in the world. Be proactive, ignore their eyerolls, get their hands dirty while gapping a lawnmower plug, reading classics, balancing a checkbook, or addressing an envelope. Teach them about accountability and its ruthless cousin “consequences”.
If a parent, or both, are not up to the task, void of sufficient love, interest or willingness to sacrifice, or distracted by things of this world, the child will weaken accordingly, especially without any positive, outside influence. Now, more than ever before, parents are insufficiently prepared for adulthood and parenthood. They lack training, discipline, and general wherewithal to positively direct themselves and their child toward success.
How the grads at the recognition moment represented themselves was only as good as their preparation, not only for the moment on stage but for adult life careening toward them. It would have only taken a few minutes to prepare them for the stage, but preparation for adulthood began at birth.
In our grad scenario, would you have been an engaged parent, would your grad have a future to announce, would you have had them rehearse the little speech with corrections or suggestions if necessary? Would you have talked about attire, nothing fancy, but suitable, along with general tips about how to speak on stage? Overkill? No such thing. More is more. Less is less. If you don’t teach them, presume they don’t know.
CHURCH
The church and its community are an effective influence for young people, especially when they are engaged in activities outside of regular services. Leaders instill values while creating activities with purpose, teaching wholesome values and implementing accountability. Parents and youth leaders should speak regularly to assess progress on all levels of development and participation and make appropriate corrections.
EMPLOYERS
Eventually, the high school grad (or sooner if working while in school) will arrive on an employer’s doorstep with a smile and an application. They are interview novices, so they’ll likely be hired despite their awkward shortcomings. Before long a new hire reveals who they really are. If practical, learn how you can be most valuable to them. Direct them to exercise their strengths or instill in them the missing attributes they need to achieve greater success, including once they leave for a different employer.
New hires with a healthy upbringing will likely be positive, punctual, hard-working, flexible, friendly, accurate, and all the other things that make an employer happy.
Mediocre employees fit between the good and bad categories. They contribute what they are willing to exert. The scale of their contribution varies based on the individual. They represent the bulk of the workforce.
Bad employees may have poor attendance, a weak work ethic, be untrustworthy, inaccurate, uncaring, and need repeated instructions and prompts. They are prone to termination.
Terminations follow them forever. If they are terminated often, they will become undesirable hires, even in today’s market. As a result, their life begins to spiral, they’ll need unemployment benefits, food stamps, might be evicted, and in a worst-case scenario, the toll their life puts on them can lead to abusive behavior, like alcohol and drug use, committing crimes to get money, and eventual incarceration. Theirs is a life ruined. Recovery at any point is harder than doing it right from the outset.
Those three categories are explained with broad strokes. An employer’s involvement can change lives by investing further in all employees, including those who are less than stellar, knowing at the outset that the effort may not bear fruit. Investing is a gamble on behalf of someone’s humanity, a commitment that can make a difference for someone who needs an extra hand-up.
The opportunity to invest in employees has always been there but now it’s more common and more necessary.
JOB SEARCH, EMPLOYEE SEARCH
A student’s employment search should be started no later than six months prior to graduation. Explain the interview process to them, how to act and speak, and then rehearse with them or find someone familiar with the process to do it for you. A simple resume at their entry stage is satisfactory but should include any extra-curricular activities that reveal their abilities, interests and character.
Employers should establish an ongoing relationship with high schools in their area. The guidance counselors know who the better hires are, their aspirations and their work ethic. Participate in career days; consider being one of the event’s sponsors. Contact the school periodically throughout the year to ask if they have any needs.
Establish a relationship with any entity that puts candidates in front of you. If you’re willing, it could consider juvenile detention centers where the detainees are released once they turn 18 years old. It will require additional responsibilities that you will need to accept.
In whatever way an employer invests in a life, make sure that the decision is workable, doable, practical. As with any giving opportunity, an employer must “have” it to “give” it.
Life has enough challenges on a good day. People with the right attitude and skill set eclipse the challenges before them; those who don’t falter. If a parent neglects a child by withholding the training, encouragement and support they need, they sentence them to a harder life.
STUDENTS SHOULD…
Do as well in school as you can. Become involved in something. Identify what interests you. Learn that path, then seek it. Be kind. Be diligent. Find a forever mentor you can trust. Work hard. Give back. Choose wisely in everything you do. Enjoy.
US
As citizens of this great country, let’s not ignore the needs that surround us. There is so much of it, and yes, much of it is self-inflicted by those who for decades were untaught or ignored the values, the virtues, the ethics, the knowledge, all the threads that weave our national fabric. Let’s stem the tide, let’s be vigilant, from little opportunities to long-term commitments, we should insert ourselves where it’s welcome and an opportunity exists to help propel our youth forward.
So, if you’re asked, “What are you going to do?” how are you going to answer?
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